Monday, October 7, 2002

A story published today by the Wilmington Star News reports that single people today are getting a raw deal. This fall, TV has focused back on the family, and by that they mean mom and dad and the kids.

And don't forget the relationship reality shows. You've got dozens of women vying to marry the same man (The Bachelor II). And dozens of single men and women freezing their ring fingers off to find the perfect mate in Alaska (Bachelorettes in Alaska). Even President George W. Bush advocates the virtues of marriage between talk of war in Iraq and the economy.

In a speech at a high school in Charleston, S.C., this summer, he said, "A more hopeful society is one in which we encourage strong marriages and families," he said. "I understand building and preserving a family is not always possible; I know that. But it should be a national goal. We ought to aspire for what's best."

The "marriage is best" mentality in our society bothers 24-year-old Nell Donaldson, who said her older sisters, in their 30s, feel societal pressure to get married.

"People often react to unmarried women in their 30s and 40s in a decidedly negative way," said Ms. Donaldson, who is single. "I think that's wrong."

A lot of the pressure is economic "because a lot of the events are geared more to married couples, and if you go alone, it's more expensive," said 33-year-old Lee Meiler .

Restaurants are the worst, Ms. Meiler said.

"If you go into just about any restaurant with a book in your hand and ask for a table for one, they look at you like why are you here," she said.

Ken Gonka, president of Wilmington Singles' Club, said during the holidays, eating in restaurants is difficult at best.

"It's that idea that you're not accepted if you go somewhere by yourself," he said. "After my divorce at Thanksgiving, I went out to a local restaurant and asked for a single table. I was made to feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. It's not a very fun thing to go through."

But Ms. Meiler said she loves the single life.

"For me, it's a philosophical choice. I like the mobility of being single and not having to depend on someone else financially," she said. "He and I are sharing a path together and if, at any time, we see we're going on diverging paths, we have the option to move on."