Sunday, June 16, 2002

A story published today by the Des Moines Register reports that David Huber mastered the art of changing diapers long ago. Huber signed up for a new project in Linn County, Iowa that teaches men to connect with their children in a society where married and stay-at-home parents are fewer than they used to be.

Similar programs, mostly designed for divorced or unmarried men who don't have custody of their children, are popping up across the state. But many dads who sign up fit the profile of Huber, experts say: a married breadwinner who sees his children every day but wants to know them better.

Children who have solid relationships with their fathers have better odds of becoming educated, employed adults with stronger marriages, research shows.

"It's not really the quantity of time a father spends with the child, it's the quality," said Kristi Cooper, an Iowa State University Extension family life specialist who helps a parent education group with the Dads Assisting Dads seminars. "When a dad knows that their child likes strawberry ice cream better than they like vanilla ice cream, that's a sign the father and the child have a quality relationship."

Iowa and other states have begun programs to promote good fatherhood.

Programs in Iowa vary, but some provide advice, counseling, family mediation, activities, supervised visits with children, or a place mothers and fathers can pick up or drop off children without seeing each other. A Marshall County program that began last month provides all those services.

A report released in March by a task force appointed by the governor of Iowa recommended creating a new state office to focus on fatherhood projects, seek money and launch a public information campaign that emphasizes how much children need their dads. The report also suggested a traveling workshop to train dads and professionals who work with families.

Task force members, however, are realistic about the state's skimpy finances.

"I don't think it's feasible at all, and I haven't pushed it in any way," said former state Sen. Elaine Szymoniak, chairwoman of the group. "I know there's some federal money, but I think the Department of Human Services has been so severely cut that I don't know that they have time to apply for grants."

Dan Malloy of Des Moines and his ex-wife have a mutual restraining order. Malloy said he wouldn't be spending Father's Day with his three young children today without Project Dad Plus, a Polk County nonprofit agency that helps men develop better parenting skills. For $4, the program provides a place Malloy can pick up his children without seeing his ex-wife.

Divorce and unemployment often hurt father-child relationships, but so does working too much, Cooper said.

"Dads take their financial role very seriously," Cooper said. "If push comes to shove, they may sacrifice time."