Wednesday, December 11, 2002
Singles tackle the holidays with a fresh spin
A story published today by the Christian Science Monitor reports that for some of the 82 million single Americans, walking through the door for the holiday homecoming becomes an inquisition too familiar at this time of year. Single folks in particular often are a bit more aware of their solo status during this season of mistletoe, romantic candlelight dinners, and kisses at
midnight on Dec. 31 - especially if they have yet to meet Mr. or Ms. Right.But more singles are finding ways to respond to the familial cross-examination without wishing they could shrink into their shoes. They might respond with humor , honesty, self-deprecation, directness, or even a request for help.
And as for those dateless New Year's Eves, unattached men and women are making a greater effort to create a sense of community among fellow singles by organizing celebrations that can be just as meaningful and fun - even sans romance.
Take Charles Bentley, for example. The 40-something southern Californian isn't pining away for a girlfriend, although he hopes to eventually pair up with a special woman. His parents and older brother, who has a wife and three kids, don't badger him. But other relatives, who visit often from Oklahoma and Texas, give him plenty of grief.
"As they see it," he says, "any man over 22 who isn't married with a child is cause for raised eyebrows and a chorus of 'tsk, tsk.' "
Comments like this have often sprung Mr. Bentley from his seat to the nearest exit. But in recent years, he's learned to stay put and patiently explain that he has yet to meet that special someone, but he hopes to soon. He assures his audience that in the meantime, he's enjoying a rich and satisfying life - palling around with friends, playing golf, and putting in long, hard but gratifying hours at the office.
Some singles would rather revert to practical jokes - or at least to dream and scheme about them. David Samson, the author of numerous self-help books, many of which have a humorous bent, jokingly suggests bringing home a "dysfunctional date." This might be a friend who owes you a huge favor and is willing to pose as your boyfriend or girlfriend. He or she might complain about every detail, talk only about him or herself, and eat only a few bites of Mom's lovingly prepared feast.
"Next year, your family will insist that you come alone!" he says, admitting that he never really tried this. His family wouldn't fall for it anyway, he explains, since they know his clownlike ways all too well.
All joking aside, most singles aren't too bothered by the barrage. In a poll conducted by Match.com, an online dating service, 78 percent of 1,300 singles polled said they planned to go home for the holidays. Of those, 68 percent said that explaining their status to family members is no big deal, but 10 percent equate this conversation with having a tooth pulled. Female friends and mothers are most likely to broach the topic, say those polled.
