Wednesday, August 14, 2002

A story published today by Ha’aretz, a Tel Aviv newspaper reports that 30 years ago, Israeli couples who decided to live together without getting married was a deep source of disgrace. The phenomenon, which today is viewed as a natural stage on the way to the chuppah (wedding canopy), was condemned in the past as "living in sin."

Today living together or cohabitation, is prevalent everywhere. In Israel, it is especially common among certain kinds of couples: young people trying out a shared household because they are not yet sure they want to get married; relatively older couples who are divorced or widowed and are not interested in marrying again; same-sex couples who cannot marry according to Jewish religious law.

A current survey shows that 26 percent of married Israelis lived with their spouses before marriage and 19 percent lived with another partner whom they did not marry. About 3.2 percent of the Jewish population in Israel currently live together without being married, growing at a steady rate of about 1 percent a year.

Prof. Yohanan Peres of the Department of Sociology and Anthropology at Tel Aviv University calls cohabitation the modern version of engagement. "It lasts about two years on average, and after that time the couple usually decides whether to marry or split and find another partner to share life with," he says. "About half of the couples decide to marry - a decision that is often tied to the man's willingness to have children. Today, many women no longer ask their partners if they want to marry, only if they want to have kids. If the answer is yes, they get married, because the prevalent perception is that bringing children into the world without marriage is still an uncertain way of life."

While many Israelis marry later than ever (women are 25 years old on average, and men 28) and the divorce rate is also rising (every fourth couple divorces), ultimately 95 percent of all Israelis marry whether for romance or other reasons.

Does the experience of living together predict a successful marriage? The surprising answer is no. A study conducted by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in the United States showed that the chances of couples who had lived together before marriage to divorce within the first five years was 29 percent higher than that of couples who had not lived together. Explaining the findings of the study, William Mosher, one of the researchers, says there is a different set of values among couples who lived together before marriage and those whose shared lives begin on their wedding day. In his view, the liberal views that encourage living together without marriage ultimately lead to the destruction of the couple's relationship.