What are the historical trends with respect to marriage and family?

The "traditional nuclear family," consisting of a breadwinner-husband and a homemaker-wife raising children, was the norm for most households in the United States in the 1950s. In these traditional families, married couples were usually of the same religion, same race, and same socio-economic class, and they were supposed to live together for the rest of their lives even if the relationship was abusive or dysfunctional.

Times have changed. Today, the "Ozzie and Harriet" family constitutes only about 10 percent of all families. Family diversity is now the norm, with 25% of households consisting of adults living alone, and the rest made up of people living in a variety of family structures, such as dual-income families, single-parent families, step-families, inter-racial families, inter-faith families, foster families, cohabiting opposite-sex couples, same-sex partners, and group homes.

Why have family structures changed so much?

More women entering the workforce. Passage of no fault divorce laws. Aggressive enforcement of domestic violence laws. Greater social acceptance of unmarried cohabitation. Family diversity portrayed more on television. Changing religious attitudes and more spiritual flexibility. And greater visibility for gays, lesbians, and bisexuals. These are some of the reasons.

Why don't some people get married?

Obviously, everyone starts out single. Eventually, most people do get married, although the Census Bureau reports that about 10% of adults never will. But for those who do "tie the knot," marriage is no longer a lifetime status. Most people will be married, then divorce, then remarry, and eventually become single again, either through the death of their spouse or another divorce. As a result, marriage comes and goes in phases for most people.

Many young adults defer marriage until they finish college or get their careers launched. A majority of couples will cohabit together for a few months or a few years to determine whether they should marry each other. Same-sex couples are always unmarried because gay marriages are not recognized by the law. Some feminists view marriage with distrust because historically it has been a sexist institution, and therefore they may choose unmarried cohabitation or may register as domestic partners with their mate.

Atheists and agnostics may view even "civil" marriage as a quasi-religious institution and therefore refuse to participate in matrimony because, unlike domestic partnership, marriage is not truly secular. Some divorcees are reluctant to enter marriage again because they found their previous relationship to be abusive and hurtful.

Many seniors become single when a spouse dies. They often choose cohabitation or domestic partnership with a new companion because they fear a loss of government or pension benefits if they were to remarry. In other words, there are many reasons why people do not marry.

Are domestic partner laws and benefits plans important?

People who believe in "equal pay for equal work" find domestic partner benefits important. A worker with a domestic partner should not receive less pay, in terms of benefits compensation which can be 30% of the total pay package, merely because he or she has a domestic partner and not a spouse. And a worker with a dependent blood relative at home should get equal benefits too.

Domestic partnership registries are also important. Dozens of cities and counties have established procedures for unmarried couples to publicly register as a family unit. The symbolism of declaring themselves as a family, albeit a nonmarital family, is important to these couples, many of whom have children.

Registrants tell society that they will be responsible for each other's welfare and that they will care for each other -- which is what a family does -- and society then tells these folks, through the public registry, that they are valuable members of the community. This public gesture, by the couples and by society, is important for philosophical, political, and psychological reasons. People want to be valued members of society, not social outcasts.

What is your dream of how families and relationships should be structured, and how society should treat them?

Theoretically, the constitution protects freedom of choice in certain highly personal decisions, such as those involving marriage, family, procreation, and child rearing. My dream is that this principle -- freedom of choice -- will be implemented by lawmakers and by the courts, and will be respected by private businesses.

People should have the freedom to live in the type of household or form the family structure that best suits their personal needs, without fear of reprisal or discrimination. However, that is not presently the case. Single adults, and unmarried couples, are discriminated against by the government and by private businesses, in employment, housing, insurance, credit, taxes, child custody, and in many other ways.

Federal civil rights laws do not prohibit marital status discrimination. That must be changed, so that the 80 million unmarried adults in this country will have legal protection from unjust discrimination. Only 25 states currently outlaw some forms of marital status discrimination. This must be changed, so that state civil rights agencies in all 50 states can help victims of such discrimination. For this to occur, singles must join forces and speak up loud and clear, just as women, racial minorities, seniors, people with disabilities, and gays have done. The squeaky wheel gets oiled.

The only way in which the stigma of being unmarried will change, and that marital status discrimination will become a relic of the past, is if unmarried adults stand up for their rights, protest discrimination, organize politically, and demand change.

So far, that has not occurred, mostly because existing civil rights organizations have not made the rights of single people a priority issue. But that is changing. Now there will be an opportunity for singles to do something.

In 1999 I helped to launch an ongoing national campaign for singles' rights. A new organization was formed. It is called the American Association for Single Persons (AASP), a nonprofit corporation protecting the rights of single individuals, unmarried couples, and nonmarital families.

With support from individual members, foundations, and sympathetic businesses, we will fight marital status discrimination through public education and through litigation. People who are interested in joining this movement can get more information from our web site: UnmarriedAmerica.com.

UnmarriedAmerica.com and AASP will be a rallying point for millions of unmarried Americans who, for much too long, have truly been a silent minority. Many singles have been paralyzed with frustration over marital status discrimination. It’s time to tackle this problem. Unmarried adults can join AASP and become part of the solution.