Singles feel 'singled out' on Valentines Day

By Jennifer Brooks
Gannett News Service

WASHINGTON — If you’re single, chances are you pay more taxes, pay more for auto insurance and have a harder time getting a mortgage than married people. As Valentine’s Day comes around, Thomas Coleman, executive director of the group Unmarried America, is working to help the nation’s 86 million singles stand up for their rights.

Question: It seems that some single Americans don’t feel they’re on equal footing with their married counterparts. Why is that?
Answer: We really do live in a couple-oriented society, a family-oriented society. Single people are often viewed as kind of out of the mainstream. But that isn’t so anymore.

Q: Why do singles feel singled out?
A: Unmarried people are treated unfairly, generally, in the workplace and in the marketplace and by the government. For example, in the automobile insurance industry, many companies charge people who are unmarried a higher rate because of their marital status. Even people who are widowed are often charged higher — same thing with people who are divorced. There’s also housing discrimination. Many landlords refuse to rent to single people or unmarried couples. And in the workplace, we hear complaints all the time about, basically, kind of an informal pressure to get single people to work holidays or to work overtime, to relocate, to travel — on the theory that a person who’s got a spouse or kids shouldn’t have to do that because that’s going to affect their family life. Single people have extended families. They have friends. They have community obligations. But they’re often not treated with the same amount of respect.

Q: Is there anything someone can do if they feel they’re being treated unfairly?
A: It doesn’t have to be marching on Washington or anything like that. It can be calling a radio talk show and raising the issue; you know, getting people talking about it and thinking about it because most people don’t think about it. Or writing a letter to (the) editor when you read something that hits you as being unfair. Contacting your representatives in Congress and also at the state level. It’s a matter of speaking up. If you feel you’re being shortchanged and not being treated with the same level of respect as someone who’s married, say something.

Q: Valentine’s Day is coming up. Some singles see this day as the enemy, a day that’s set up just to make them feel bad. But you don’t feel that way. What’s a good single’s survival strategy for Valentine’s Day?
A: It’s the advertising and the marketing that just focuses endlessly on couples and romantic love and so on that makes people who aren’t in that type of relationship feel uneasy or insecure. But there are alternatives. Sasha Cagen is the founder of the so-called Quirkyalone movement. They choose to celebrate singleness on Feb. 14th. There are other nations now where (single) people are creating their own day. In Italy, it’s St. Faustino’s Day, Feb. 15th. In China, it’s Nov. 11. Single people are finding a way to celebrate their singleness without necessarily being Scrooge-like and saying, ‘Because I’m not in that category and not in a romantic relationship, I don’t want you to celebrate Valentine’s Day.’ I think that’s going a bit overboard.

Q: In this country, singles have their own week to celebrate — the third week in September. How does one celebrate Singles Week?
A: You do whatever you want to do. That’s the nice thing about it. You could go out to dinner with some single friends. You could create your own greeting cards, since the stores don’t yet have cards you can purchase for Unmarried and Single Americans Week. It’s more of a public awareness campaign to let people know that single people are here in large numbers, are contributing members of society, are good neighbors and good friends and are good workers and deserve some respect.