February 4, 2005
 

Being happily single has a hitch: Lack of benefits married couples enjoy

By Jennifer Brooks
Gannett News Service
 

At a chic cocktail bar, Deirdre Baker splays her left hand and studies the empty space on her ring finger. She raises a glass in toast:

"Here's to the single girls."

The other unmarried 20- and 30-somethings around the table clink glasses. While their married friends have gone home to sitters and spouses, their evening is just starting.

They are among the 86 million unmarried adults in the United States, a fast-growing group of people who often find themselves singled out in a society designed for two. Despite holding more than 40 percent of the nation's jobs, singles often feel they have a lot stacked against them: higher taxes, higher insurance premiums, working more holidays and fewer benefits for their partners.

Singles are bombarded by TV and movie messages that tell them marriage is the most important relationship they can have in their lives.

"Everything you hear today is about 'family values.' What's so interesting is that all of this is going on at a time when there are more households with one person living alone than there are (households) with a mom, dad and kids," says Bella DePaulo, author of an upcoming book, Singled Out, and social psychologist and visiting professor at the University of California at Santa Barbara.

One of the reasons for the rising number of singles is that more and more couples choose to live together before marriage - 50 percent, according to University of Michigan researcher Pamela Smock. Living together no longer carries the stigma it did decades ago, and for many couples, it's a way to save money and take "test-drive" their relationship.

Singles are beginning to ask why married couples can put each other on their health insurance or gym club membership but singles can't do the same for their loved ones - domestic partners, aged parents, siblings or adult children. They rail against travel brokers who charge extra for a person who tries to book a vacation alone.

The American Association for Single People lobbies on behalf of unwed Americans. It has fought landlords in Michigan who didn't want to rent to unmarried couples, and pushed California auto insurance companies to stop charging unmarried drivers higher premiums.

"There's a perception that single people aren't participants in society," says Thomas Coleman, executive director of the association. "So often, they don't speak out about their own grievances. We need to put some focus on our issues."