Xavier
Amador
New York City
co-author, "Being Single in a Couple's World"
and Professor at Columbia University
"Nearly one half of the adult population in
America is unmarried, one out of ten of us is divorced, and one out of four households is
occupied by a single person living alone. These findings of the 2000 US Census are NOT
surprising, they reflect a thirty year trend in America to marry later in life, divorce,
or never get married at all. What IS surprising is that so many laws, business practices,
and the entertainment and news media persist in treating tens of millions of unmarried
Americans as second class citizens."
"The marriage landscape has changed and the time to change how single people are
perceived and treated has come."
"Being single is no longer synonmous with being immature, unsettled in life, and
irresponsible. Questions such as "When are you going to get married and settle
down?" belong to the past, not the reality of America today."
Dr. Xavier Amador is a psychology and health
correspondent for the Weekend Today Show. He is an Associate Professor of Psychology
at the College of Physicians and Surgeons, Columbia University and the New York State
Psychiatric Institute. Dr. Amador has a clinical practice specializing in singles
and marital therapy.
Bella M. DePaulo
Santa Barbara,
California
Visiting
Professor
Department of
Psychology
University of
California
There are now
more than 80 million adults 18 and older who are single, divorced, or widowed. If we instead start counting at age 15, the number
approaches 100 million. The numbers are dramatic. But
the life stories behind the numbers are perhaps even more compelling. Contrary to stereotypes, single people typically
lead happy and productive lives. They are the neighbors, friends, close relationship
partners, and confidants of people of all ages and civil (marital) statuses. In our
nation, we all look up to many single adults for their successes in their professions and
their contributions to public service.
I am a social
psychologist, and my students and colleagues and I have been studying people who are
single for several years. Recently we asked more than 400 undergraduates to tell us about
the single people (age 30 or older) who are important to them in their lives. They named an average of more than 8 such single
people. They described their relationships
with these single people as very close, and the influence of these single people on their
lives as very positive. As the youthful
citizens of our nation make their way through adolescence and early adulthood, they need
to have positive role models. The role
models from public life are important, but people with whom they can develop a personal
relationship may be more important still. Apparently,
many of our nation=s youth have already found such positive role models in
the single people in their lives.
The personal
strengths of people who are single are especially evident among our older citizens. Older people who have always been single often
have better physical and mental health than those who were once married. People who have always been single also live just
as long as people who have consistently been married.
It is time
for our nation to recognize the tremendous contributions and even greater potential
contributions of its single citizens. No person should be left behind.
Bella M. DePaulo is a social psychologist
with a B.A. from Vassar College and a PhD from Harvard University. She has authored more
than 100 professional publications. In the past several years, she has been studying the
place in science, society, and social life of people who are single. She is the
President-Elect of the Society of Experimental Social Psychology, and the recipient of
numerous professional honors and awards. She is currently a Visiting Professor at the
University of California at Santa Barbara.
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